If I Can Talk, I Can Write

mercredi, décembre 31, 2003

I want to be needed. I don't want to need. I need to be needed... but not in an obsessive holic addictive sortof way. just a way. a simple way. 4:28:00 PM

I finally found out that lowell has a livejournal. I looked through it and i was like, omygoodness, i totally didn't expect him to be all different like he is now. like, now im looking at all his friends, knowing all his thoughts, and seeing everything he's been doing for the past two years. it kinda makes me feel like he's a friend i totally lost contact with for this purpose. man i have memories of the times in my childhood when we used to play stupid games and annoy the eff out of ppl like ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-tiim-tim. poor tim, got no moment of peace a silence from us. now im debating whether to call him or what cuz i have first of all, no idea what the hell i should say and what im gonna talk about with the guy. i hope the terms im on with him are not forshadowing the terms i'll hold with the friends i have now. i'm kindof sick of always talking about the same people everyday... i'm sick of my best friends. I love them to death and i'll always hold them very dear to me... thats very true... but i think we may need a break from each other or take our ships to new levels. i'm fed up with myself for hinding my true feelings about the people who are closest to me and going about with hyperbolating the fun i have when i spend time with them. I have 2 best friends... him and her. i dont know what it is about me and making few friends like this who get really close but just the few of them can get really i dunno... tiring. i love being with them... there's no doubt that they make up my social life in its 97%ity.
Some people have a lot of friends but are not close in particular to any of them; others have a few friends only but they are very very close to each other... i cant see how i'm categorized within either group. 4:27:00 PM

mercredi, décembre 17, 2003

shut up, ben. 1:01:00 AM

I refuse to allow my new relationships with new people take over the rlationships I have with the friends I already have. But for some stupid twisted inconsiderate reason, it seems to get harder and harder. Not that I don't love the people I have with me now but these friendships seem to be filled with just a whole lotta nonsense nowadays. I can't understand when my conversations and stuff with these people got to a point where nothing is solved and my desires to get closer than ever before don't seem to ever happen without sacrificing a great deal of privacy or emotions. In another strange world, I would be that drunk guy behind the wheel of a fast car with my girlfriend on my lap but that's another world... a stupid one, at that. But you see, life is a cloud and the plane just rips through it. I'm talking on a whole nother plane. If my relationships with people continue to be in this downward spiraling trend of useless inertia, then far be it for me to save us both from the gaping hole of stagnation. 12:59:00 AM

vendredi, décembre 05, 2003

i don't want to write stuff in here because i know sonya or justin or somebody will read it. i kinda feel like writing where nobody will read except randoum strangers. randoum strangers, you don't have to meet again later. just so i can write stuff about sonya and justin and them all. maybe they dont read this crap anymore but whtvr. I'm watching tv in my room like a hermit or something. maybe it was a bad idea to bring it in here. or maybe i should invite people to come watcha movie or soemthing but i cant walk alone in the halls or i'll get bombarded by marshmallows. so the social game is making us all anti-social or overly social. haha, the irony and stuff behind it. you know what's harsh? jumping off the third story window. wait, don't get the wrong idea, i'm not suicidal or anything like that, but i've been wondering what would happen. hehe, it'd be hella stupid.
i love christmas carols. sameea and fatima took my AIM friend test. oh the happiness... i can't explain it but seeing their sn's on my list made my day yesterday. what can i still say about those two. i wonder how shazia is doing too. oh the sadness. my fondest memory with them is the time they stole their van and took me home from shaz's party. Makes me smile.
You know in Islam, giving a compliment is like stabbing somebody in the back? Not in a bad way, but i guess it means that you raise their ego or something but i see it as a complimentary good stab. Anyway, Ali told me that last night. 5:07:00 PM